Apparently Tourism Queensland are going to paying someone $150,000 just to blog about staying on a tropical island. Let me save them the trouble...
Day 13. Middle of summer. Bloody hot. Went swimming to cool down but returned in agony after the box jellies got me. Was hospitalised briefly.
Day 27. Decided to investigate the rock pools. Thought I saw movement under a rock, so I lifted it up. Saw an octopus which suddenly flashed blue rings. The blighter bit me. Was in agony. Went to hospital on the mainland for a few days.
Day 30. Thought the weather was supposed to be perfect in Queensland but today's been windy and wet.
Day 34. Tropical cyclone Howard hit yesterday. Blew the roof off me shack and I was struck by debris. Got 20 stitches.
Day 48. Shack was struck by lightning and my computer fried. Was supposed to get my new PC last week, but they are really slow up here.
Day 58. Was walking on the beach picking up shells when a cone shell shot me full of neurotoxin. Doctor said I'm lucky to be alive.
Day 70. Woke up to find a taipan snake poking his head in through the window. I jumped but it still bit me. Went to hospital again for a few days.
Day 80. Was walking near the rocks when I felt a stabbing pain in my foot. I had stepped on a stonefish. Had to go to hospital.
Day 88. Visited the mainland and went for a swim in the creek. I was lucky to escape the crocodile with only a chunk taken out of my left thigh.
Day 92. Apparently the itchiness and pain in my leg is due to an infection from the coral that scratched me while snorkelling off the reef. On some pretty strong medication.
Day 94. No worries about getting the stitches out from my left thigh. The shark bit the whole bloody leg off. That'll teach me to go swimming with a bleeding wound.
Day 100. Apparently acute dengue fever can be fatal. How's that? After everything else it was a mosquito that finished me off. Goodbye...
As the clock ticks over towards midnight and the time approaches when I shall rush up to the top of the driveway to watch the darkness...
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